On Line Dating = The Grocery Store of Desperate Hearts

March 17, 2014

After taking a long (3 years!) break from dating, I’m back on-line again, hoping to find Mr. Right.  It’s just as hard as it was 3 years ago, not because there isn’t an abundance of available, attractive men that fit much of my criteria.  Well, they fit my criteria based on the few pictures that they have uploaded and the few words that they’ve written about themselves.  It’s a little like buying a box of cake mix and expecting/hoping the cake will be good without adding eggs, sugar, and oil.  You just HOPE it will be good because the picture on the front of the box is looks delicious.

I have been out  with 3 guys so far.  Actually been out with them, seen them in real life, and had real conversations with them.  I’m not includng the many that want to email and text for weeks, then they disappear – or begin sending wiener pics.  All 3 guys were great – but each one had his challenges.

Edgar – Super nice guy but he has small children and he lives in South Ft. Worth.  I liked him fine, but not enough for the 30 minute drive to meet him halfway for the few hours he had every other weekend.  There was no second date, even though we both sort of wanted one. 

Brian – Really liked this one and probably could have actually mixed the cake batter with him.  He’s smart, funny, moderately attractive.  And, best of all for me, he took me to a really nice restaurant on the first date and a super trendy wine bar on the second date.  He was very complimentary of me and I enjoyed the attention.  However, after the second date, there didn’t seem to be as much physical attraction as I had hoped for and wanted.  The kiss goodnight was mediocre at best.  I’m a little sad that it turned out this way with Brian, but I’d rather know now than after I crack the eggs.  Ain’t nobody got time for that…..

Tim – Ah, Tim.  He’s the one that I could seriously fall for, bake the whole cake with…and I figured this out after just one 3 hour brunch date at a place that I go to when my house keeper is cleaning and wants me out of the way.  No place special, not a trendy wine bar.  And I had met him at a tire place first so that he could get his tires fixed.  Tim held my hands, complimented me, got blushy when he said sweet things to me, and, most importantly, was 100% honest with me on a couple of things.  He knew that I had told him I was with my kids when I was really on a date.  My thoughts were…it’s none of his business where I am or what I tell him.  His thoughts were…just be honest with me, we’re both adults and we both know we’re seeing other people until we find the RIGHT one.  I like that.  He called me out on my BS and not many men (people) are willing or able to do that. 

Then, he let me know that he is seeing 3 other women, plus me, trying to narrow it down to the right one.  He’s pretty sure he’s going to let 2 go, then just date me and the other one.  This is where it gets complicated.  I have been doing the exact same thing, just not telling my dates about it.  That’s fair, and even expected, but we’re really just meeting each other.  I EXPECT that they are all seeing other women.  I just don’t want to HEAR about it.  This makes me feel like I’m on the middle-class version of The Bachelor, hoping that I get a rose this week.  I don’t like this feeling one bit.  I find myself texting him and calling him first, rather than letting him do a little bit of the chasing.  I find that I can’t get him out of my head.  He also hid his profile on the on-line dating site as soon as he left the date with me.  WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!!

In the grocery store of desperate hearts, would it be beyond imagination for me to say to Tim:  Hey, I want you.  I will drop all of the other people that I have in my buggy, the ones I was slowly moving to the checkout line if you do the same.  Let’s concentrate on each other and see what’s there.  We have nothing to lose and everything to gain.  Can I say that?  I really want to, because that’s the kind of honesty I want and respect.

And, tonight I’m meeting Joey for a first date.  I’m excited to meet him and hope that he has potential.  But the truth is that I would cancel the date with him if Tim would say he wants me (and only me) too.  Is it fair to meet with Joey with those feelings?  Well, yeah…because in the grocery store of desperate hearts, they happen to be sold out of the cake mix that I really wanted right now.